Beer and Ice Cream Diet

A wreath Kolsch Beer - LA Times of Kölsch.

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As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise the consumed dessert to body temperature during the digestive cycle literally sucks the calories out of the only available source, your body fat.

For example, a dessert served and eaten at near 0 degrees C (32.2 deg. F) will in a short time be raised to the normal body temperature of 37 degrees C (98.6 deg. F). For each gram of dessert eaten, that process takes approximately 37 calories as stated above. The average dessert portion is 6 oz, or 168 grams. Therefore, by operation of thermodynamic law, 6,216 calories (1 cal./gm/deg. x 37 deg. x 168 gms) are extracted from body fat as the dessert’s temperature is normalized. Allowing for the 1,200 latent calories in the dessert, the net calorie loss is approximately 5,000 calories.

Obviously, the more cold dessert you eat,the better off you are and the faster you will lose weight, if that is your goal. This process works equally well when drinking very cold beer in frosted glasses. Each ounce of beer contains 16 latent calories, but extracts 1,036 calories (6,216 cal. per 6 oz. portion) in the temperature normalizing process. Thus the net calorie loss per ounce of beer is 1,020 calories. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to calculate that 12,240 calories (12 oz. x 1,020 cal./oz.) are extracted from the body in the process of drinking a can of beer.

Frozen desserts, e.g., ice cream, are even more beneficial, since it takes 83 cal./gm to melt them (i.e., raise them to 0 deg. C) and an additional 37 cal./gm to further raise them to body temperature. The results here are really remarkable, and it beats running hands down.

Unfortunately, for those who eat pizza as an excuse to drink beer, pizza (loaded with latent calories and served above body temperature) induces an opposite effect. But, thankfully, as the astute reader should have already reasoned, the obvious solution is to drink a lot of beer with pizza and follow up immediately with large bowls of ice cream.We could all be thin if we were to adhere religiously to a pizza, beer, and ice cream diet.

Happy eating!

– School of Physics, University of Sydney


WHEN MY FIRST WIT LEFT ME (John beer Hooker)

When my first wit left me, she left my heart in misery
When my first wit left me, she left my heart in misery
Ever since that day boy, I don’t think I’ll ever brew again

If I can get her back again, I’ll never brew no more
If I get her back again, boys, I never brew no more
I had a good wit, but I did not treat her right

It’s my fault, only have myself to blame
It’s my fault, it’s my fault boys, I only have myself to blame
She would have been home right now, if I hadn’t wanted every beer that I seen

I found out one thing, these wits don’t mean you no good
I found out one thing people, these wits don’t mean you no good
You mistreated a good wit for some blond, she turn around and turn her back on you
Yes, yeah

I’m having bad luck, having bad luck ever since she been gone
I’m having bad luck, bad luck, bad luck, ever since my brew been gone
When she was at home, Lord, I did not treat her right

By Espen Unnvik

Brewa’s Paradise

As I mill through the barley in my Thomas Fawsett sack
I take a look at my hops and realize there’s not much left
Cause I’ve been mashing and laughin so long that
Even my ma’ma thinks that my star san’s gone
But I ain’t never crushed a grain that didn’t deserve it
Me, be dry hopped like a cone, you know that’s unheard of
You better watch how you brewing, and where you mashing
Or you and your grain mill might be lined in chalk
I really hate to decoct, but I gotta loc’-
As they grew I see myself in the hope wines, fool
I’m the kinda G the little brewas wanna be like
On my knees in the night
Reading brew sheets in the street light

Been spending most our lives living in the brewa’s paradise
Been spending most our lives living in the brewa’s paradise
Been spending most our lives living in the brewa’s paradise
Been spending most our lives living in the brewa’s paradise

by Kim Odland